Original date – 16 May 2020
Shrooms, Adderall, weed
This trip was a few days after the “Road to Gehenna” trip. I took fewer shrooms, so this trip was much more controlled*]
• “There is no right philosophy. All rivers of thought eventually lead to the ocean of fulfillment – some just take much longer to do it”
• The near-perfect recreation of my philosophy in this game has given me much confidence in my direction.
• But what if I’m just projecting my philosophy onto the game?
• Maybe my philosophy is so similar due to the exposure to the Talos Principle in the past. It definitely influenced me, but I definitely departed from its philosophy many times over the years
• Also, the road to gehenna is way too perfect of a mirror of my philosophy’s progression. It’s like it’s my thoughts tens of years into the future, or maybe even hundreds. I’m learning so much from it
• Learning how to channel an infinite and higher plane of existence through our finite bodies.
1. The physical is powerful, but is finite and limited by space, so it cannot support infinity
2. The mental contains an aspect of infinity, but is limited by logic. A mental being interacting with a higher plane is impossible because higher planes act outside of logic
3. That leaves the spiritual aspect to channel the higher plane. The spirit is not ruled by either space nor logic, so the only thing preventing its interaction with the higher plane is spiritual willpower and skillful self-manipulation of the ego
• So I actually played the sequel to the Talos Principle last time, because I had already played half of the first game when I was 19. I decided to replay the original today, and it’s insane realizing how much of an influence it had on my philosophy. This game has basically steered my life over the past 5 years and I didn’t even know.
• Is it possible to remain physically grounded while experiencing an ego death?
• What I’m realizing is that since I never finished the original, I only started the philosophy lesson. Me playing it now is confirming whether or not I was able to figure it out through my own study of philosophy
• I ended up stopping because I realize I don’t have the energy for another intensive philosophy experience, but I got a lot even from the short time playing it.
• If I had to give the shortest and simplest description/distinction of the two: Talos is the philosophy to understand what “God” is, and Gehenna is the philosophy to understand what’s even further beyound than “God”
• These recent trips have given me much more confidence in being ready to succeed on my own, or rather not fall into the same traps.
• My depression and anxiety seem to be away on vacation, but the loneliness is right where it’s always been
• Although I’m not full, I finally have a splash of inspiration. I have to be conservative with it right now, but I think I finally have enough to get me at least to the next leg of the journey.
• My knowledge and wisdom has given me the obligation to face what others can’t.
• What I’m feeling is a reminder that I can’t stay in the higher plane permanently, at least not right now. I must not get intoxicated on Nirvana.
• Instead experiencing my life to create philosophy, I created my philosophy in order to experience life.
• Depression is a mental illness that slowly kills you as its reach spreads to your physical and spiritual health.
• There is an irony in that modern religion not only drives away the spiritually confused, but also corrupts many within its own sphere.
• I’ve relied far too much on my ability to channel the spiritual component of my being. I’ve been misusing it in the attempt to cure my loneliness.
• Study method: bathing in your philosophy
• The world has so much to do, see, and experience. I’m not worried that I won’t find anything I want to do. It’s just that I want someone I can share it with.
• For the past five years, I’ve been trying to prove that I don’t need others in my life. I think I’m finally ready to admit defeat.
• Learn to take pride in your work. You weren’t sitting on your ass for 5 years. You were finally adressing your mental illness, in addition to practicing philosophy. It might not have made you any money so far, but it will have prepared you for your success.
• The worst feeling right now is that even though there are people who I can call, it feels like there’s no one to talk to
• Fate can be kind, if not devious. Life will often give you what you want, but in the last way you expect it.
• For the longest time, the more I grew, the further my goal moved. Eventually I gave up growing, because it’d still be as far away as I started. I didn’t realize that growth is its own award.
• Everyone is capable of greatness, it just depends whether you take the patience, focus, and determination to achieve it. One person can plant a forest, it will just cost them a large sacrifice of time and effort.
• It’s easier to interact with people you don’t know because you don’t care if you never see them again because of your actions or personality.
• Although I am not alone, for I have friends in other states of reality, I am incredibly lonely in this reality. I enjoy the people here, but the disconnect continues to become more apparent.
• I must not be embarrassed of my philosophy. I may have chosen a misunderstood and under-respected vocation, but I have chosen what will fulfill me and my life.
• The reason I don’t talk much is that I don’t naturally have a filter, so I don’t know what’s too personal for others to handle. I’m willing to pour my heart out to anyone, but they have to work to make sure I know they want it.
• Given the right circumstances, most any job can be fulfilling enough to commit yourself to. However, a passion is what you do no matter the circumstances.
• To be unconventionally successful, you must possess somewhat of an arrogance. You must be aware odds against, and still trust your ability to willingly pursue it
• I’ve never trusted politicians. As far as I’m concerned, they’re all corrupt until proven otherwise. However, what we’re experiencing now is beyond corrupt. While I still consider democrats corrupt, republicans have taken it to a whole new level. They’re not corrupt; they’re evil.
• We must expell this evil from our nation, but it is important it is destroyed rather than just migrated
• It’s very demoralizing looking for the words that you’re not sure even exist.
• I have been working on this poem for nearly five years. It has taken that long just to learn how to write the words. I’m close. I thought I had found the words. But the more I read it, the more I feel just off balance. I can’t leave this off balance.
• I don’t know what I hope to achieve with this. Maybe I’m hoping those words will finally be able to fill this suffocating emptiness.
• My philosophy is at the point where it will take years, psychedelics, or both to really advance it.
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