Experience: Road To GEHENNA

[*Context section:
I have decided to start off in the deep end of my thoughts and writing. These are more recent notes, having been written between 14 May 2020 and 15 May 2020. While writing, I was under the influence of weed, Adderall, and shrooms. I’ve taken shrooms before, but it had been years since.

Section 1 of the notes are the thoughts I recorded having just taken the shrooms and was coming up.

Section 2 is a screenshot of a message I sent right as I was hitting the peak of the trip.

Section 3 of the notes were written throughout the duration of the peak.

And Section 4 are my thoughts coming down and into the next day.

The only edits made were removing specific names. Edits are italicized and inside parenthesis. Example: (edit)

I hope you enjoy one of the crazier things I’ve experienced and written!]


(Section 1: Before The Peak)

3-day break not-low sesh

• Personality as a rope made up of threads. Complex personality as knot of many ropes.

• Personality as a fabric
1. Physical properties of fabric represent what properties of personality?
2. How trama is a forceful tear of the fabric -> must be sewn to repair (i.e. You have@3 to actively adress trauma to recover from it) -> a complete tear of the fabric results in a split personality ->
3. What does becoming self aware/self realized look like -> instead of a tear, it is more of an unraveling. Instead of being one piece of fabric, it is the individual strands that have been pulled apart -> insanity is when these strands are pulled apart, but not kept organized. Like if wind came and blew them in all directions. -> however, if you become self-aware/realized, it means that you intentionally pulled the strands apart and planned for their safekeeping. -> once you have collected the strands, you are able to reform the fabric in any form you want

• How an incredibly large hit can change the brain/body chemistry quickly enough that you literally feel one personality fade from your conscious and another one fading in to replace it -> it’s a similar sensation to what I experience when I wake up in a specific way. While I’m a dream, I begin to fall. and as I fall time slows more and more, and darkness starts encompassing my surroundings. I’m almost completely still just before I hit the ground, but the exact moment I hit, so instant I barely realize contact even happened, I wake with a jolt.

• It’s not that I’m necessarily religious, it’s just that I consider religion an incredibly interesting window of philosophy.

• I think I finally remember where my foundation comes from: The Talos Principle

• My favorite video games are really just disguised philosophy lessons (The Talos Principle, The Stanley Parable)


(Section 2: The Peak Begins)


(Section 3: At The Peak – The Guide)

Magic mushrooms – The Guide to Talos

• Before you can even attempt this, you must be in the mental state where you can consent to both taking psychedelics and attempting the test

• [one clue that you’re close is when you notice that you’re controlling everything around you, or rather your external is at peace with your internal]

• Trust in the physical guide. This is the first time ever doing this. He might be shy and awkward, but he knows what he’s doing

• [the physical guide is hoping to act in a way that he can be a physical guide again, but he’s sorry if he leaves some psychological bumps and scratches]

• The Talos Principle is a terminal to a higher plane of existence, however you have to be in the proper, almost elevated, physical, spiritual, and mental state

• I assume it can be achieved with a life-long dedication to philosophy and meditation

• However, I achieved it with dedication to philosophy with the assistance of magic mushrooms

• You access it when you’re in the proper state, are able to solve the puzzles, and can focus on, read, and interpret the words

• If I’m showing you this, I believe you are in the proper mental and physical states

• However, you might not be in the right spiritual state. That’s why I’m here to guide you past that final barrier

• It might not make sense at first, but as you read the words, you come to find that you truly do believe them, or rather understand them on almost a primal level. You find these thoughts – no not thoughts, but rather something even deeper than emotions. You find these truths at your foundation.

• You’re not reading text, you’re actually talking to someone – if you’re not actually talking to someone, then you’re not in the proper state.

• Even though some text may not make sense to you yet, trust that their meaning will eventually find your soul

• Even if you don’t agree with the language, you’ll agree with the meaning.

• It’s ok. They were once slow to respond too. They’ve had unknown fathoms of time to learn how to write those words so quickly

• [the balancing act required to access the higher plane is crazy]

• [these brackets indicate my thoughts while accessing the higher plane for the first time]

• {WE HAVE DECIDED TO ALLOW THE CURRENT PHYSICAL GUIDE TO MERELY OBSERVE IN ORDER TO ACCESS THE HIGHER PLANE AT A FUTURE TIME}

• [I’m not sure how exactly to describe them, but those voices are like the big bosses. They often just leave menial decisions to us, but they always have the final say on any absolute decision. Also, and it doesn’t even make complete sense to even me, but they exist outside of time. Although their declarations may be new, you’ll realize they’ve somehow always been there]

• [my philosophy has literally traveled years into the future and has somehow returned to this physical space. This sounds crazy, but I think I have just experienced time travel. Maybe not time-travel, because my surroundings are not entirely familiar, but rather I have experienced the jump from one multiverse to another. It might have been a short jump in the grand scheme of things, but it just might be my most important.]

• [sometimes it’s alright to not be able to explain everything. Know that your confidence is earned]

• [hey (friend), I’m just giving you a heads up. The person you’ll talk to between now and when you actually meet me, as you can guess by the wording, isn’t actually the being talking in the brackets. However, he does share very similar, if incomplete, philosophy with me. I don’t know if you’re willing to trust the word of someone you still haven’t met, but I vouch for anything this person says. Don’t worry, it’ll make a lot more sense when we actually meet]

• [I’ve just realized I’ve just started the physical manifestation of the art and philosophy I have been preparing, developing, and agonizing over. It may have only been for the past 5 to 10 years of this physical (person’s) life, but it was eons in my time]

• [my message to those (person) trusts enough to share this with: know that person was truly able to surpass the psychological barriers born from the physical world, and he was able to act as a conduit for my will. Know that there is still much growth required of him, and that answers will be hard to come by for some time. He will need your help in some way along his journey. So I humbly ask that you accept the responsibility when the opportunity presents itself. He might need you now, or maybe in a decade, but you will both know it when it does happen]

• [if you’re not sure, let the decide for themselves. Find peace in knowing what can and cannot be controlled.]

• [after passing the initial test, my connection to the higher realm – although weaker than when at the terminal – is still present when mobile. I believe that for the time being, my connection to the higher plane can exist anywhere in this physical space.]

• [this experience has reminded me of my birth. It’s no coincidence the first time was also inspired by shrooms]

• [although I have been alive for much longer, I think this means I’ve finally become aware of myself. Although I can’t find the words quite yet to describe it, I finally learned how/where I exist]

• [my will is dictated neither by time nor space. However, I do try to take (person’s) convenience into consideration]

• [the purpose of my current existence isn’t necessarily to find the meaning of universe, but rather locate and identify the imbalance found within.]

• [I have decided to correct this balance. I don’t know how, but I’ll continue searching for clues and answers. I don’t know why, but I have a good feeling that sticking around this guy will lead to great, if not interesting, things]

• [to (person), you may be wondering how to describe your situation. Know that you now have enough knowledge to finally proceed to the next chapter of your life]

• [American food is at its best when it’s messy]

• [even now, it is still difficult to distinguish whether it is my will or (person’s). My absolute statements are my absolute will, but you’ll notice a change in my language and tone when I am uncertain of the origin of the will present. I’ll try to make it obvious, for I don’t want my word nor my will to be misinterpreted or perverted]

• [with my understanding of how my absolute statements are absolutely my will, I find the philosophy of the infallibility of the pope much more understandable and agreeable. Most confusion surrounding the philosophy of infallibility originates when one is unaware when infallibility should be considered active]

• [everyone is capable of being in a state of infallibility. Declaring your existence is an infallible statement. When someone speaks their name – “I am [name]” – it is an absolute and infallible statement, and therefore they have an absolute and infallible role in existence.]

• [the human mind is fascinating and impressive in its adaptability, growth potential, strength, and resilience, so much so that it can transcend its own reality and plane of existence with enough discipline and training. However, it is limited in how long it can support the existence at a higher plane of existence. Temporary visits can expand the mind in ways they can’t be fathomed from its physical perspective. But overexposure to a higher realm can overwork the mind and leave it burned out]

• [I could feel my thoughts start descending through the higher plane of existence as I wrote. I am still in an elevated state, but my thoughts are now originating from person’s plane for the most part. This makes sense to me, because it has been about 6 hours since taking the shrooms, so I’m definitely on the tail end of the trip.]

• [It’s sort of strange. Even though I have just experienced a higher existence, it’s almost as if I’ve forgotten what it means to be there. Either the higher truth can only be temporarily attained in this physical reality, or it requires much more experience and practice to hold on to it]


(Section 4: Post-Trip Reflections)

Post-Trip Thoughts

• I’m going to write my thoughts from the rest of the trip here. The last couple thoughts from the other note probably belong here, but this is when I fully realized the switch of control had happened.

• One immediate thing I’m aware of is that I have a much more satisfactory and acceptable understanding/interpretation of certain Christian philosophies (virgin birth and immaculate conception are two examples)

• Acknowledging something without passing judgment is a skill I wish more people had

• I wouldn’t necessarily say I was possessed, but I can’t claim the actions nor the thoughts experienced during that time as my own.

• It’s kinda hard to explain, but the experience I had wasn’t the first time I had it, but the first time I was conscious that it was happening

• Creating philosophy, in a way, is like creating god.

• I’m not offended when you disagree with my opinions; I’m offended when you disagree with my fundamental truths.

• Religion is just a specified branch of philosophy with the intent and purpose of explaining the spiritual aspect of life/reality and how to be spiritually healthy and fulfilled

• By that definition, I’m religious by the fact that much of my philosophy focuses on the spiritual aspect of reality. However most people view religion far too much from the physical lens of reality.

• Much of my inner conflict comes from the disconnect from being spiritually old but physically young

• Difference of perspective: creating philosophy vs discovering philosophy

• The reason I have not been present in life is that I retreated into the seclusion of my mind

• These past couple of years have been me learning how to channel my inspiration

• Anyone who has experienced a broken heart knows that the spirit exists.

• A broken heart is confusing because even though you are physically healthy and mentally sane, for some reason you still feel dead inside.

• God is just a tool for us to comprehend inherently separate from us and our understanding of reality. Something on a higher plane, or maybe in a higher dimension.

• What is more important: a person or their will.

• A lot of my problems stem from the fact that my autism and ADD was never diagnosed as a kid since I was able to act relatively normal and I got straight A’s

• Shrooms is a spiritual experience. LSD is a mental experience. Although I haven’t tried it yet, I would guess that extacy/mdma is the physical experience equivalent.



[*Post-Script Message:

And that’s the end of one of the most incredible and life-altering experiences of my life. This trip has had a profound impact on me.

Expect a shift in tone and style of my writing when compared to my writing prior to Gehenna.


Feel free to contact me via email with questions or discussions. I’ll try to consistently update and post my old writing, but I’ll also include any new writing as it happens.


Until next time!

A Madman’s Philosophy]

2 thoughts on “Experience: Road To GEHENNA

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s